HFIP Instant Commentary – LAG v KCW

A bit of an experiment, because that is how we are. Our running expert commentary on tonight’s game…or should I say…ESPN MLS Primetime matchup…


Tedski (4:31:42 PM): Oh…I saw that you posted…thank you.
HooverDam (4:31:51 PM): Hadda say something.
Tedski (4:32:32 PM): That’s what I want…
Tedski (4:32:45 PM): Also…smack about DCU…more smack.
HooverDam (4:32:54 PM): I’m trying to duck them for as long as I can pre-playoffs.
Tedski (4:33:58 PM): Are the Revs at home this weekend?
HooverDam (4:34:09 PM): Yup, vs Rapids.
HooverDam (4:34:17 PM): We should kill ’em.
Tedski (4:34:46 PM): I’m always torn…Pablo and all.
HooverDam (4:34:55 PM): Yeah, I know.
HooverDam (4:35:29 PM): I also fully expect Pepe to come by the Fort afterwards for a visit like Wolde did a while back.
Tedski (4:36:20 PM): Wolde is a quality guy…he and I hung out for a bit at the ’99 Open Cup.
HooverDam (4:37:00 PM): Someone even brought out the KING OF BLING banner for that one.
HooverDam (4:37:09 PM): (er, the last time he played here, as a Rapid)
[HooverDam switched between the game and Ugly Betty]
HooverDam (5:12:01 PM): (uh, is the game on?)
Tedski (5:12:25 PM): Yes…I’m keeping my comments secret
HooverDam (5:12:23 PM): aha
Tedski (5:14:31 PM): Hey, Beckham’s father is named Ted.
HooverDam (5:14:33 PM): I heard the team intros were good.
Tedski (5:15:04 PM): Yep. No Curt Onalfo…but the equipment manager was on.
HooverDam (5:15:31 PM): That’s what I heard. Anything else funny?
Tedski (5:16:21 PM): Hartman affected a Spanish accent.
HooverDam (5:16:24 PM): ahaha
HooverDam (5:19:09 PM): amanda’s parents are swingers
Tedski (5:19:29 PM): Awesome.
HooverDam (5:22:38 PM): Carlos Pavon: It’s nice to know we’re not the only team who makes midseason Central American pickups who end up being the first guys on the waiver list in November
HooverDam (5:23:13 PM): I see Hartman did his roots.
Tedski (5:23:52 PM): You switched back.
HooverDam (5:23:52 PM): I’m switching ot the game during commericals.
HooverDam (5:25:23 PM): FSC’s gotta find some way of getting HD signals. Going from ESPN HD coverage to FSC SD, especially their English stuff that’s all PAL converted is like watching with my contacts out.
Tedski (5:26:45 PM): My TV is too small for me to even notice.
HooverDam (5:27:19 PM): Oh, it’s amazing. I didn’t think I’d notice, either, but wow.
HooverDam (5:28:55 PM): PRETTY GIRLS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO
Tedski (5:30:45 PM): Deep.
HooverDam (5:33:25 PM): Hey, this is the second Dead Coach Walking we’ve seen todaty
Tedski (5:34:45 PM): Naw…Yallop hasn’t pulled out Cannon for Lance Friesz.
HooverDam (5:34:59 PM): Steve Cronin. And actually, he did, a couple weeks back.
Tedski (5:35:22 PM): Oh, fire ‘im.
HooverDam (5:41:02 PM): I see we got Skycam
Tedski (5:41:45 PM): I love those…they get hit by goal kicks once in a while.
HooverDam (5:41:57 PM): I think they’re great for showing how set pieces develop
Tedski (5:42:34 PM): Yeah. If they use them judiciously.
Tedski (5:43:56 PM): They are intervewing a NASCAR driver.
HooverDam (5:43:56 PM): which one
HooverDam (5:46:15 PM): okay that is not the dress she tried on in mexico
Tedski (5:46:42 PM): It was that one driver with the drawl.
HooverDam (5:48:53 PM): santos kinda has bitchtits
Tedski (5:50:59 PM):
HooverDam (5:52:10 PM): BTW, none of my coworkers asked me about the game, which is normal, until I was leaving for the night…and the IS manager stopped me in the hallway. “4-0?”
Tedski (5:53:06 PM):
Tedski (5:53:13 PM): Lucky for me…I didn’t go into work today.
HooverDam (6:00:20 PM): oh, that was a heartbreaking ending
Tedski (6:00:49 PM): Don’t tell me about it…it ain’t on for two hours.
HooverDam (6:01:13 PM): OK
HooverDam (6:01:18 PM): turns out vader’s her father
Tedski (6:01:37 PM): It’s a sled, isn’t it?
HooverDam (6:01:36 PM): it’s a cookbook
HooverDam (6:04:52 PM): oh yeah, no surprise there on goal o’ the week
HooverDam (6:05:25 PM): BAH
[Up pops the Impossible is Nothing ad featuring Kristine Lilly and the line, “It isn’t what you’ve done…”]
Tedski (6:07:10 PM): “It only matters what you go out and do right now, GREG!”
HooverDam (6:07:11 PM): yeah, I had the same thought
Tedski (6:10:35 PM): This game has been rather dull.
HooverDam (6:10:39 PM): I gathered
[Commentators talked about Coach of the Year possibilities.]
HooverDam (6:12:14 PM): Preki will get it, but Onalfo should be a consideration for Coach o’ the Year.
HooverDam (6:12:32 PM): Definitely gotten these guys back together.
HooverDam (6:13:14 PM): Wait, is Cannon just wearing a long-sleeve away field player kit?
Tedski (6:13:43 PM): Yeah…it’s really cold in Kansas City this time of year.
HooverDam (6:14:27 PM): more like “hasn’t written a column for soccernet in six months” guys
Tedski (6:15:44 PM): Bastard.
HooverDam (6:16:02 PM): yeeep, gato must’ve bleached his hair this morning
Tedski (6:17:34 PM): He is missing those black blotches from last week. I wonder if your boy Ruiz has solved his tonsorial problems.
HooverDam (6:17:40 PM): I bet that guy in the Brazil jersey in the middle of the Cauldron’s gotten so much shit tonight
HooverDam (6:18:06 PM): Cannon keeps making saves off his own guys, huh?
HooverDam (6:19:21 PM): “No foul there…” Of course not, it’s Kyle Martino
Tedski (6:20:26 PM): I hope so about the Brazil guy…weird thing…I saw two guys with Columbus jerseys…one even had Thomas’s name and number on it.
[Columbano botches what should have been a gimmie goal.]
HooverDam (6:20:18 PM): JESUS
HooverDam (6:20:23 PM): oh my god you SUCK
Tedski (6:20:33 PM): Too damn close.
Tedski (6:20:49 PM): Here is Wynalda ready to criticize his technique…
HooverDam (6:20:43 PM): (Bunch of those guys in the Cauldron are Argies, so…)
[Jimmy Conrad gets ejected.]
HooverDam (6:22:18 PM): what
HooverDam (6:22:31 PM): aaah, audible profanity
Tedski (6:22:51 PM): It’s all part of the league plan to get LA into the playoffs.
Tedski (6:23:16 PM): Did you notice him checking the replay.
HooverDam (6:23:20 PM): It’s Vagenas, that doesn’t count
HooverDam (6:23:37 PM): “He could get up to the booth in a few minutes”
Tedski (6:24:01 PM): That would be awesome…but probably worth a $5000 fine.
Tedski (6:24:58 PM): This is about to get duller…Kansas City will bunker…LA won’t be able to crack it.
HooverDam (6:24:53 PM): Yep
Tedski (6:26:25 PM): See…zackly.
Tedski (6:27:07 PM): Jazic is in…you just hate him because of his first name, don’t you?
HooverDam (6:27:08 PM): No
Tedski (6:28:07 PM):
Tedski (6:28:17 PM): Wynalda: “Typical of their season…”
HooverDam (6:28:18 PM): yep
Tedski (6:32:23 PM): I just realized…is Xavier out there?
HooverDam (6:32:28 PM): I only see one bleach abuser
Tedski (6:32:52 PM): Wait…that isn’t natural?
[Commentators note that this is the highest attendance of the year, and that since Beckham won’t be there, management has allowed free parking and is giving away 10,000 of those obnoxious clappers.]
Tedski (6:34:32 PM): It’s confirmed…32,000 people coming out to watch a dull game…geez…how many will be back?
Tedski (6:35:10 PM): Gotta love those fan inducements.
HooverDam (6:35:07 PM): Yes.
Tedski (6:36:15 PM): God…another silly call.
[Sideline interview with Kyle Martino.]
Tedski (6:36:50 PM): “Kyle…why haven’t you nitwits been able to take advantage of the fact that you are playing against 10 men?”
HooverDam (6:36:59 PM): ahaha
Tedski (6:39:14 PM): I just realized…no reference to the US-Brazil game since the first half.
HooverDam (6:39:19 PM): I think they’re doing that on purpose
Tedski (6:39:56 PM): They finally looked at the field and saw that Wambach wasn’t playing.
HooverDam (6:40:18 PM): Cannon, who, as of today, has moved to #2 on the list of Goalies Most Likely to Kill Someone
[Harden gets called for a hit.]
Tedski (6:41:24 PM): Harden doesn’t have much cause to argue there.
HooverDam (6:41:47 PM): “Pavon has come to the sideline…” To do what, exactly? Bring Yallop a beer and some nachos?
[Kansas City sets up for a free kick close to the box. “Danger here…”]
Tedski (6:43:26 PM): I don’t get the guys that cover their chest when they are on the wall for a free kick.
HooverDam (6:43:28 PM): That was a great angle to watch that
Tedski (6:44:16 PM): I’m happy that Landon stepped up for the thankless job, but would you really put that runt on the post?
[LA Scores!]
HooverDam (6:44:52 PM): aaaw
Tedski (6:45:11 PM): I know…now I can’t make fun of them.
HooverDam (6:45:05 PM): aaaand there’s pouty hartman
Tedski (6:45:45 PM): That’s Pouty El Gato Hartman.
HooverDam (6:45:49 PM): Yep
Tedski (6:46:37 PM): Best Wynalda Line Ever: “I don’t want to hear your yapping…”
HooverDam (6:46:33 PM): I know
[Davy Arnaud gets ejected.]
Tedski (6:46:46 PM): Nother?
HooverDam (6:46:48 PM): oh my lord
Tedski (6:47:16 PM): Shoot…that was butt stupid.
HooverDam (6:47:22 PM): toledo looked kinda like richard nixon there
Tedski (6:47:51 PM): Vagenas should have been rebuked too…a yellow for the attack.
HooverDam (6:47:49 PM): yes
Tedski (6:48:30 PM): I just had an awful thought.
Tedski (6:50:15 PM): This starts LA on a late season renaissance…culminating in a final where David Beckham scores in extra time against…I can’t even say it…
HooverDam (6:50:12 PM): NO
Tedski (6:50:39 PM): I did say an awful thought.
HooverDam (6:50:43 PM): KC are also now down two against DC, which means they can’t help us out
Tedski (6:51:52 PM): When was the last time LA had a lead?
HooverDam (6:51:51 PM): Sunday
Tedski (6:52:06 PM): Oh yeah.
Tedski (6:53:30 PM): Wizards at least seem to have a bit of urgency now.
HooverDam (6:53:28 PM): yeah
Tedski (6:53:52 PM): They play better with nine men…
HooverDam (6:56:10 PM): hartman what the hell
Tedski (6:56:23 PM): NFL metaphor…instead of drinking, strike your forehead with a ball peen hammer.
HooverDam (6:56:19 PM): ahahahah
HooverDam (6:56:43 PM): ooh, a roy lassiter joke
HooverDam (6:57:38 PM): EJ, nobody’s buying it
HooverDam (6:58:25 PM): admit it: you wanted hartman to get the eq
Tedski (6:58:40 PM): Gawd…you’re right…Cannon will be taking hostatges at the end of this game.
Tedski (6:58:44 PM): Hartman, totally.
Tedski (7:00:22 PM): The name Gavin Glinton always sounds mispronounced to me.
Tedski (7:00:35 PM): The Galaxy seem subdued for a team that just won.
HooverDam (7:00:32 PM): Yeah.
Tedski (7:01:50 PM): I love the Gatorade ad…they don’t mention that since they changed their formula it’s near useless.
Tedski (7:02:01 PM): It’s the colored water that they complain about.
HooverDam (7:02:35 PM): haha
Tedski (7:03:54 PM): Oh…we missed the halftime band.
HooverDam (7:04:05 PM): oh well
Tedski (7:04:55 PM): Liverpool…I guess a Beatles cover band by the snippets that I could catch. Becks would have loved the name…
HooverDam (7:05:17 PM): oh lord
HooverDam (7:05:41 PM): start a band called “Liverpool” and then play all Oasis/Smiths/Happy Mondays etc
Tedski (7:06:49 PM): Buzzcocks and Freddy and the Dreamers.
HooverDam (7:07:17 PM): Turns out it’s a Southern Rock band
Tedski (7:07:40 PM):
Tedski (7:07:45 PM): Catch ya later.
HooverDam (7:07:41 PM): cya

Leave a Reply